3 Tips for Anxiety Relief during the HOLIDAYS!
by Flora M. Torra, Ed.S.
As parents, it's essential to realize and be aware that our own stresses and fears get absorbed by our children. In other words, they sense what is going on with us. In addition, children/teens that are highly sensitive are very much impacted during the holidays. Therefore, most of our insecurities and emotions are transmitted to them, and many times, it is just as important that we learn to regulate ourselves, and for sure, become aware of our nervous tendencies and traits.
In many instances we can teach our children how we have learned to cope with and settle ourselves when we get anxious. Whatever has worked for you will probably work for them. You can teach them simple things to do. But regardless, exercise definitely helps especially martial arts or yoga, jumping on a trampoline, and lots of stretching. Diet also helps. That's another topic for another day.
Besides these simple facts, the following is essential for preventing and managing those dreadful feelings that come over us:
1. The main thing to remember with anxiety is that the more we resist it, the worse it can become and that eventually it will subside, it will pass. Remember that our bodies have natural rhythmic cycles - it's part of our autonomic nervous system. So, with anxiety what we teach is to breathe, stay in the present moment, use grounding techniques that involve some sort of movement and replace the thoughts with thoughts like, "this will pass" and "I am safe”.
Don’t talk them out of it. As a parent, the temptation is to reassure your child that everything is going to be fine. But in those moments of "dread" that seem irrational and come from nowhere, hearing that everything is going to be fine, does not work.
What they need to hear is that you get it. Ask them what it feels like for them. They may or may not be able to articulate – and that’s okay. Often, this in itself is such a relief because someone is interested and gets it. That it feels awful.
2. Explain why anxiety feels like it does. Anxiety is something that lots of people get but it feels different for everyone. Adults get it too. It happens because there’s a part of your brain that thinks there’s something it needs to protect you from. It switches on when it thinks you’re in danger, it is there to protect you. Its job is to get you ready to run away from danger or fight it. People call this ‘fight or flight’. It will immediately give your body what it needs to fight or run as fast as you can. It will flood your body with oxygen and adrenaline that your body can use as fuel to power your muscles to run away or fight. It does this without even thinking. It builds up and that’s the reason you feel like you do when you have this.
When this happens: Your breathing changes from normal slow deep breaths to fast little breaths. You might feel puffed or a bit breathless. You also might feel the blood rush to your face and your face become warm. You can feel dizzy or a bit confused. Your heart can feel like it’s racing and you might feel sick. Fuel gets sent to your arms (in case they need to fight) and your legs (in case they need to flee). You might feel a bit sweaty. You might feel like you have butterflies in your tummy.
3. The most powerful thing you can do is breathe slowly and intentionally. Breathe deeply. Hold your breath just for a second between breathing in and breathing out. Make sure the breath is going right down into your belly – not just into your chest. You can tell because your belly will be moving up and down when you exhale. Do this about 3 to 5 times.
Practice abdominal breathing with them as they lay down in bed; by placing a stuffed animal on their belly and watch it move up and down as they inhale and exhale. You can also do Grounding techniques. I can send you a HANDOUT on Grounding the body.
They can do this throughout the day - in the car while sitting up; by placing a hand on the chest and one on the belly. Again, the more you practice this when things are going well, the easier it will be when things are not going so well.
For older teens, they may choose a mantra or phrase to say to themselves such as “I am safe”, or “This will pass”; or they can imagine a favorite place like the beach or the woods with snow and a deer, and sense what they would feel in their bodies. We call it the FELT sense.
