Written by parishioner Flora Torra
Recently I came upon the old saying about being a Human Being and not a Human Doing. I immediately thought of parenting in today’s world. And how we are inundated daily with better and more effective ways to parent. We are bombarded with the information to raise happy, smart, disciplined, talented, and well-balanced children, that will grow up to be successful and healthy adults. Not much pressure there! It’s pretty insane.
So, I’ve decided to do a series that will assist You in getting a better handle on this phenomenon with 3 INSIGHTS to start with.
First of all, You are enough, right here and right now. The fact that you gave birth and carried that child for 9 months (or your wife did) and survived. And the fact that you thought about this child and prepared yourself for many years before hand. The universe was saying you are ready and here we go! Because you did it and it is done. You bring with you as a human Being, your DNA, your talents, your temperament, your sense of Self, your connection to your partner, the love in our heart, your tenderness, your faith, your perseverance, your body’s intuition, and did I mention, the LOVE in your heart. You bring all you will ever need to be a “good enough” parent. Say it 3 times, and imagine it’s true.
Secondly, research has shown us that as long as you are engaged and present or “attuned” to your child 30 to 40% of the time, that WILL cover you. You see, although children need their basic needs met, especially when they are very young; they also come equipped with sensory mechanisms and an amazing brain for learning and adjusting and growing already built-in. They are WIRED to thrive and learn and grow.
Ok, so my third point, comes from a foundation from all the parenting skills and tons of knowledge around this subject matter. And that is, that the most important skill or Way of Being you can possess as a parent is the ability that you have to calm yourself, or what Conscious Discipline calls “Self-composure”. I’m not sure about you, but this ability or skill or Way of Being’ relates to everything we do. And believe it or not, it will make all things related to parenting and being a parent a lot more pleasurable. Although, we can’t keep this up all the time, but it helps! We actually grow into it. We learn by doing. It takes lots of practice. And we can’t ever totally master it; so, relax. Lower your expectations. You really can't take everything they do personally - Really. As hard as that is, you know you can do it because you’ve done it without thinking sometimes or if you are able to detach and use your adult brain.
I will be doing a series on “Being” a Parent; hopefully more the Being part than the doing part. Although, there will be sections on What To Do.
I hope you will join me. I will be covering Calming yourself, Calming your children, Self-Esteem, Attachment, and Anxiety.
Here is the series: https://stmargaretmary.org/category/parenting
